10 Stories Worth Telling Kids About Their Family
“The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”
Family memories are a great source of nonfiction stories to tell our children. These stories are about anyone related to the child and help provide perspective on how the child fits into the family throughout generations. They may be stories that the child participated in with other family members, or, they may be about relatives who lived, and died, long before their birth.
The story topics you choose will vary based on whether they are about family members the child knows personally or distant family members/ancestors. Sharing stories about individuals your child knows, builds connection points between the listener and their family members. Stories about more distant relatives help your child mentally reach beyond their immediate sphere and give them context of the larger family across space and time. Stories about distant relatives provide them with examples of how the family would laugh, cry, and overcome obstacles together.
A.J. Jacobs states in a CNN article (1) “When you’re a kid, you think you’re the most important, you’re the only person out there, the world revolves around you, and this is just one way to show them no, you are part of this massive world. You are just one link in the chain,”
An Emory University study about family storytelling found, “Family stories provide a sense of identity through time, and help children understand who they are in the world." These same researchers found that children displayed higher self-esteem, lower levels of anxiety or nervousness, had fewer behavioral problems, and could deal with stress more effectively when parents frequently shared family stories. (1)
Below are 10 Sparks to help you begin telling your family stories. For a look at other nonfiction stories to tell, check out our previous post on story types.
When telling stories about yourself or loved ones the child knows, we recommend looking to the following categories for inspiration:
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What was life like before the child was born? What was the same or different when you or a loved one was younger? You can compare the foods eaten, clothes worn, and toys played with during those years to what the child listening has in their life. Other ideas include describing activities with friends, the technology available during the time, and school stories.
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When you (or a loved one) were a child, were you (or they) extremely curious, funny, energetic, quiet, thoughtful, temperamental, or mischievous? Think of the stories that best demonstrate these attributes. Maybe it was a prank played on a sibling, an adventure taken with a friend, or a habitual activity. You can use these moments to explain the consequences of actions and whether the subject of the story got into trouble or was rewarded because of how they behaved.
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For the following prompts, you must consider what is age-appropriate to share with your child. I find that this story type often gets a good laugh or helps to create a sense of wonder…
What was the worst thing that happened to you or a loved one when you were young? How about the best? What about the scariest, funniest, happiest, or saddest? You can break this down even further by category. What was the most extreme positives and negatives that you ever tasted, smelled, touched, saw, did?
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What holidays does your family celebrate? What traditions do you keep during these holidays? Why do you celebrate in this way? Who started the tradition? What is your favorite thing about the holiday? What is your best memory about that time of year? Explain the sights, smells, tastes, sounds, and emotions commonly experienced during these times.
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Do you ever travel for work? Tell the child you love about the trips so they understand better where you have gone and why you are sometimes away. Do you ever take family vacations? Remind them of your adventures together. We recommend reminiscing about both the good and the bad, since it is often the travel nightmares that make the funniest stories. You can tell about obstacles you overcame, like getting lost, losing luggage, navigating canceled flights, surviving motion sickness, or fixing a broken-down car. You can reminisce about the most amazing sites you saw, special foods enjoyed, or loved ones visited. These stories can help foster curiosity about other places and cultures.
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Tell your child about life’s biggest moments, including births, graduations, marriages, illnesses, or deaths your family has experienced. What made the life event stand out? Was there a certain way your family came together? How did your family celebrate or mourn? Remind the child(ren) about their role in the family milestones. Was your child excited about the birth of a sibling or a cousin? Did they get to carry the flower bouquet to the graduation or the rings at the wedding?
When telling stories about individuals the child does not know first-hand, we recommend looking to the types of topics listed below for inspiration. Just note, that these subjects may still apply for close relatives.
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Tell your children about how the branches of the family came together over time. Who married whom and how did they meet? Where did they come from? Did the branches of the family approve of the unions, or was there tension?
Was there a person in your family who was considered the patriarch/matriarch? Did your child ever meet that person? Tell them about their personality, their tenacity, and how they cared for their family. Even if they never met the family members, the stories can build a bridge connecting that person to your child. Or maybe your family is more of a “found family.” Tell your child(ren) how everyone met. What brought your family together?
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Consider telling your child(ren) about their ethnic heritage. Did your family originally come from another country? Did they move to where you are now willingly, by force, or out of necessity? By what means of transportation did they get to where they eventually went? What were the conditions they faced before and after arrival at their destination? What traditions from the “Old Country” did your family bring along? Do you have any special celebrations because of your heritage? Telling these stories can help children to understand the unique blending of cultures that they embody.
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Some family stories involve tragedy, such as illness, natural disasters, and war, that can deeply impact both the individuals who lived through the events and generations that followed. However, these stories often contain valuable lessons. Reflecting on how relatives coped with or were challenged by these events can be enlightening. Research by the Emory Center for the Study of Myth and Ritual in American Life shows that children who know about their family's history, both the good and the bad, tend to be stronger and more resilient. (2) Sharing tales of overcoming adversity, like natural disasters, discrimination, poverty, or conflict, can foster resilience and determination in children.
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Was there a major world event that had a significant impact on your family? What was your family doing as those events unfolded? You can find stories to tell whether the events took place over a period of years, like the World Wars, or a day, like 9/11/2001.
Look further back in time, did any of your ancestors participate in historical events? Are you related to anyone famous, or maybe infamous? We all have heroes and scoundrels in our family tree. Even if your family member is only locally famous/infamous tell their story.
Bonus: One of the best ways to find family story Sparks is to look at photo albums with your child(ren) and tell the stories of why those pictures were taken and saved. Similarly, story inspiration can be found by looking at the items your family has saved and passed down from generation to generation in the form of heirlooms.
References:
(1) Wallace, K. (2015). Your ancestor owned slaves? Don’t run from it; Tell the kids. CNN
(2) Duke, Marshall P., PhD (2015). The 7 Basic Stories Families Tell and Why We Need to Tell Them. Huff Post
(3) Feiler, Bruce. The Stories that Bind Us. New York Times March 15, 2013 https://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html Jan 23, 2024
